10 Tips for Surviving Back-To-School and Other Life Transitions

By Olivia Chao :: The Partnership at drugfree.org

1. Start the Dialogue

“If you know a milepost is coming up, talk to them about it,” says Ron Arden, Life Navigator. Try saying:

You’re about to start a new school. How are you doing about that? I know when I was your age and I went to a new school, it was a little scary.

We’re moving out of this area, and you’ll be going to a new school. We’re going to have to make new friends. I think that’s a little scary. What are you feeling about it? What do you think it’s going to be like for you?

“Let them know that their anxieties are normal. Let them know that you understand it, and afterwards ask, ‘How was it for you? Was it as bad as you thought?’ Oftentimes, I suggest parent give their child more information than they need, so that when they come home, they can say, ‘You know, it really wasn’t as bad as you made it out to be.’”

2. Let Your Child Vent

Listen to your child. Try not to interrupt with your running commentary. If you’re thrown off guard by something your child says, tell her you’ll get back to her. Then talk it through with a spouse or friend and when the time is right readdress the topic with your child.

3. Ask Questions

My daughter Lauren never seems stressed about academics – it appears to come easy to her. I mentioned this once, and was surprised to hear that it was not the case. She is stressed but she doesn’t show stress like my other daughter. So, I learned the importance of checking in with my kids and probing a bit. Things are not often what they seem.

4. Eliminate Some of the Surprise

My colleague Denise Young Farrell suggests pointing out details of what’s to come. “My daughter will soon be starting at new program at our local public elementary. When we walk by the school I try to tell her something new about what it will be like. Whether it’s what entrance she’ll use or where she’ll play with her new friends. Just trying to eliminate some of the surprises, as there are sure to be some that sneak up on us!”

5. Help Them Get Organized

Michael Thompson, PhD, consultant, author, & psychologist, points out that middle school can be particularly challenging for boys. “Boys tend to be more to be more scattered. So that middle school is often a very upsetting transition for them because they can’t keep track of their stuff…Moms and dads have to move in and help them with those kinds of organizational challenges in middle school.”

6. Attend Parent Night

For parents of high school and college kids, I recommend taking advantage of the school’s parent orientations as well as any brochures, info sheets and web resources help prepare and educate parents about these transitions. Some of the information is just common sense, but you may learn something. Also, by attending, you’re sending your children a powerful message that you are engaged and that this is indeed an important time for everyone. What’s key, I think, is finding the time to share with the child what you learned. You may get the roll of the eyes and “Yea, yea,” but it’s worth the effort, and it’s easy to do.

7. Establish Guidelines

It’s important to set up rules and guidelines anytime of the year but during times of transition it’s essential. Know where they are, who they’re with and what they’re doing. If your child is heading to college, Vanessa Van Petten, author, consultant and youthologist suggests setting specific boundaries with your child around topics like money, grades and keeping in touch.

8. Make Time to Connect

Parent Partner and mom Lorraine Popper suggests being supportive of your child’s interests during times of transition. “If they’re into a certain type of music, get interested. Show that you care about their life. Spend a little more time together, do activities that they like to do.” Steve Paseirb, president and CEO of The Partnership at Drugfree.org, suggests scheduling family dinners or get-togethers every week and set it in stone just like sports practice. “Use the time to catch up on what’s going on in your kid’s life, including what’s not going well. Stressed kids may feel isolated, which can lead to experimentation with drugs and alcohol. Let them know you love them too much to see them risk getting hurt by experimenting or using.”

9. Give Them Independence

“I feel we should give our kids some autonomy so they don’t feel as if we are suffocating them,” says Tracey Jackson. “Then all they want is to get as far from us as possible.” My colleague Claire Kelly’s daughter is starting high school in Manhattan this fall. This summer Claire let her and her older sister take the subway together from Queens to Manhattan to begin getting her used to the commute. On two occasions, she took the train herself. “That was hard for me,” explains Claire. “But my daughter was so excited and proud of herself, I knew allowing her that bit of independence was worth it.”

10. Be Aware of Red Flags

Be aware of any unusual behavior. Tessa Vining suggests asking yourself, “Are they isolating themselves? Are they locking themselves in the – in their room and not letting you in? Are – has their appearance changed? Are they looking a little bit more rundown? Do they seem a little bit more erratic in their mood?” See warning signs and what you can do about it. See a list of warning signs of drug and alcohol use.

And lastly, as your kids prepare to go back to school, you can help them sail through this transition (and many others to come) by simply letting them know that you’re always there to for them.

Is your child heading off to college?

The start of college across the country is just around the corner. Here at Purdue the campus is coming alive with students arriving for BGR. Just take one trip to Target in the evening and you will notice a slew of students and their parents roaming the aisles collecting goods that will last them until winter break.

While it is exciting to have the students back this may be a daunting time for parents who wonder how their teen will handle the sometimes negative social pressures that come with living with thousands of other young people.

The most powerful tool you have is influence. The days of controlling their behavior are long gone. Actually, did you ever have control? Probably not. The best defense you have is preparing your child to make sound, healthy choices before they leave behind the safety net of your home.

Throughout the next few weeks, as they prepare to leave for college, you can use teachable moments to foster conversations on how you expect them to handle themselves socially as well as academically.

• Help them learn to assess high-risk situations and establish plans to remove themselves from the equation.
• Identify ways you can help; i.e. Prepare a phone list of cabs and provide emergency money only for this purpose.
• Let them know they can turn to you without reprimand. This will keep the lines of honest communication open.

We have tools to help guide your conversations. Visit us online at drugfreetippecanoe.org for more information.

Guest Post :: Back to School Basics

School will be starting up in the next couple of weeks. It is time as a parent to be thinking about helping your children get off on the right path this school year. The Drug-Free Coalition encourages you to BE INVOLVED and be prepared to deal with problems before they arise.

Here are some pointers to get you started this school year!

• GET TO KNOW YOUR CHILD’S FRIENDS! Studies prove that it will be a friend that influences your teen when it comes to alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs. Know their friends and talk to your child about their friends. Consider becoming acquainted with your child’s friends and their parents. Your influence can make a difference.
• ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO BE ON A TEAM OR IN A CLUB, whether at school, in church or at the local youth center. Help them find their abilities. Studies show that children who are involved with extra-curricular activities do better all around than those who are not. Kids want and need to fit in someplace so help them fit into a place that is beneficial to them.
• SPEND TIME TOGETHER as a family. Strengthening your family bonds and allowing your child the opportunity to talk about things that are going on at school and in their life can make a difference in how they react to things.
• ENCOURAGE and believe in your child. Let them know they can do something, be someone, make a difference, and you expect them to succeed in life.
• WATCH FOR CHANGES in your child’s behavior--different friends, grades dropping, etc. These are some of the indicators for alcohol, tobacco and other drug usage.
• CLEAN OUT/LOCK-UP! Most kids get alcohol and prescription drugs from right inside their home. Clean out the old medications, and lock-up alcohol and prescription medications.

I hope these tips will help you get you and your family off to a good start this school year! For more information visit “The Partnership at Drug Free.com”.

Jane Haddock, BSW, CPP
Community Consultant, ICJI
Serving Benton, Carroll, Clinton, Fountain, Tippecanoe,
Parke, Vermillion, Warren, and White Counties

Parenting Style Plays Key Role In Teen Drinking

Allison Aubrey :: NPR :: December 27, 2010

Click here to listen to the article or read it below,

For teenagers, friends play a big role in the decision to take that first drink. And by the 12th grade, more than 65 percent of teens have at least experimented with alcohol. But what parents do during the high school years can also influence whether teens go on to binge drink or abuse alcohol. Researchers at Brigham Young University have found that teenagers who grow up with parents who are either too strict or too indulgent tend to binge drink more than their peers.

"While parents didn't have much of an effect on whether their teens tried alcohol, they can have a significant impact on the more dangerous type of drinking," says Stephen Bahr, a professor of sociology at BYU, and the author of the study that was published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs.

As part of the survey of 5,000 teenagers, Bahr and his colleagues asked 7th- to 12th-grade students a series of questions about their alcohol use.

"We asked how many had taken five or more drinks in a row in the past two weeks," says Bahr. That's the typical definition of binge drinking. They also asked the kids about their parents: What kinds of rules did they have? Did their parents know where they were on weekends? Did their parents check up on their whereabouts and set curfews? How much oversight and monitoring was typical?

The teens who were being raised by so-called indulgent parents who tend to give their children lots of praise and warmth — but offer little in the way of consequences or monitoring of bad behavior — were among the biggest abusers of alcohol.

"They were about three times more likely to participate in heavy drinking," says Bahr.

The same was true for kids whose parents were so strict that no decision was left to the teenager's own judgment.

"Kids in that environment tend not to internalize the values and understand why they shouldn't drink," says Bahr. They were more than twice as likely to binge drink.

Striking The Right Balance

The parenting style that led to the lowest levels of problem drinking borrowed something from each of the extremes. From the strict parents: accountability and consequences for bad behavior. From the indulgent parents: warmth and support

Bahr says these parents tend to be more balanced.

"They recognize their kids when they do good things and praise them, but they offer direction and correction when they get off a little bit," he says.

Lots of factors contribute to teenagers' experimentation with alcohol and drugs. Genes play a significant role, as do peer relationships. And the teenage years can be adversarial.

"Parents get really frustrated with teenagers," says Aimee Stern, who has written a book on delaying teens' first drinks. "I have two of them — and you can't tell them anything they don't already know."

That's why it's important to start talking to kids about alcohol when they're young — as early as fourth grade, recommends Stern. Her free book, published by the American Association for the Advancement of Science, is intended as a teaching tool for parents and contains plenty of evidence-based information on drinking and addiction. It explains the science of alcohol, both in terms of what it does to the body and the developing brain.

The guide can be used as a companion to a series of Science Inside Alcohol lessons developed by AAAS or as a stand-alone tool that parents can use in talking with their children.

The European Model

The "European Model" of alcohol use in the home is a frequently debated topic among parents and prevention educators. Many parents struggle with the issue of whether to let their adolescents drink at home. This model is also used as an argument in the debate on lowering the drinking age to 19 here in the United States.

For those who choose to follow the "European model", despite the legal ramifications,
it often boils down to the perception that European countries, like France, have everything figured out. The argument goes like this:

• Their teens can drink— ours cannot.
• Their teens exercise moderation —ours drink to get drunk.

Ergo, if we let our teens drink — at least at home — they will learn to drink in moderation like the European kids.

Even if the logic works in a weird way, the basic premise is flawed. The perception that European cultures, in general, have this problem under control is simply inaccurate.

The European Union (EU) recently commissioned a report on alcohol use among its 25 member states. The report was released last month — June, 2006.*

Among EU members as a collective, the average age of first drink was 12.5 and the average age of first drunkenness was 14.

In Denmark, 70% of 15 year olds were drunk at least twice in the year before the data were collected.

Our kids look like teetotalers by comparison. In the 2005 Monitoring the Future Study, 34% of 10th graders in America reported being drunk at least once in the previous year.

Ultimately, each parent or guardian must decide whether they will allow their kids to drink at home. Correcting the misperception that the Europeans have figured out how to do things better might help in the decision making process.

Jointogether.org published a research article in their newsletter earlier this week, titled: "Rise in Drunkenness Among Eastern European Teens" You can read the full article here.

*To download the .pdf version of "Should Parents Follow the European Model" click here.

Do you speak teen?

With school starting back up, our teens will be out and about and on the move once again. Catching up with what is going on in their lives will become a thing of the past as they run from school to soccer practice to band concert to ice cream with a friend and on to study “dates”. If you think you know your teen’s world you may want to think again.

mnE Ps dnt bleev der is a gNR8N d/c b/t em n thr teen. (Text Message Translation: Many parents don’t believe there is a generation disconnect between them and their teen.) How much do parents really know about their teen’s world? Especially as teens adapt to new technologies so quickly?

Test Your Knowledge about Teen Life and Lingo:

1. What do “space cakes” and “skittles” have in common?

• They are popular snacks
• They are sold in many convenience stores
• They are harmless-sounding names for drugs
• They are sold as high-energy drinks and contain high doses of caffeine

2. Who have the media dubbed as “prosti-tots”?

• Teenage girls who date older guys to get drugs
• Scantily dressed teenage girls who emulate young, wild celebrities
• Teens who bring more than one date to a party
• Drug dealers who are known to deal to children

3. What is a “poke”?

• Making fun of someone over text messaging
• A new term for a teen’s car
• An online form of flirtation on a social networking web site
• A rude way to get someone’s attention in class

**Find The Answers at www.theantidrug.com/parentchronicles **

Teens may be a hard study, but knowing more about their world and the influences around them will help you connect better with your teen.

Research shows that parental monitoring is effective in reducing risky behaviors among teenagers. In fact, teens who are not regularly monitored by their parents are four times more likely to use illicit drugs¹. And while 80% of parents believe that alcohol and marijuana are not available at the parties their teens attend, 50% of teen partygoers attend parties where alcohol, drugs or both are available².

There is good news. The majority of teens still report that their parents – not their peers or the media – have the biggest influence on their decision to stay away from alcohol or drugs. Visit www.TheAntiDrug.com/parentchronicles to learn more about how parents like you are bridging the gap with their teens and helping to keep them drug free.

Action Items for Parents of Teens: These tasks take you a step closer to bridging the generation gap with your teen. To learn more about how parents like you are connecting better with their teens, try these action items.

• Pick up your teen’s mp3 player and go to the “top 25 most played” section. Listen for references to alcohol, drugs, or other risky behaviors. Then talk with your teen about what you heard.
• Visit social networking sites like MYSpace.com, and browse the profiles of teens your child’s age to see what they say, what their interests are and what they are doing online.
• Can you name your teen’s favorite TV show? Watch it with him or her and discuss story lines.
• Go to a video sharing web site and type in “smoking weed.” Watch some of the videos. Did you know that your teen might be exposed to these images?

¹Metzler, Rusby, and Biglan. Community builders for success: monitoring after school activities. Oregon Research Institute. 1999

²The National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse XI: Teens and Parents. The nationa Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University. August 2006.